I am feeling awful today. I have been fighting with Mehmet. He is extremely jealous and it has just gotten worse since he went to the military. Every tiny little thing makes him worried, and as he has anger issues it ends with that he gets angry, I get even angrier- he gets sorry after a while, but I am still pissed of at him.
Today was the first day since he left that he was able to open Facebook. He got angry because I had a photo with my best friend that we took on a boat. It was not the photo he was angry about, it was that some boys had made comments on it. They did not write anything bad at all, but he is stuck there he is and I guess it felt random to see a photo with me that he was not in.
The thing is not that he does not trust me. He does. I know he does. But he does not trust anyone else, and in their culture it is his job to protect me. He can not do that while he is there, not in the same way as he usually can. He feels pressured because it is his duty to protect me from everything bad that can ever happen. Bad things have happened to me before, he knows about them, and that is why he is even more fond about me. He is, as said, in military, to protect his country. He risks his life for people he does not even know. Then just imagine what he would do for me. Think about that before you judge him as a control freak. He is not. There are loads of things that he does not want me to do. I do not do them because I respect my fiancé and he respects me, and I know it is just for my own best. That is why I feel so secure in Turkey. I know exactly how to act, how to dress, how to talk and what do to, to be safe.
It is sick that I have to think like that, just because I am a woman. But just think about it, how many men have been afraid of walking past a group of women in the middle of the night? How many women have been afraid of walking past a group of men in the middle of the night? Compare the two situations, and you will understand. Society is not equal and we need a change. My fiancé is well aware of that, and he knows exactly what to do to keep me save. That is what he is doing. He is not controlling me.
The thing is that he can get angry. Really angry. He would never hurt me, I have never been afraid of that and I will never be, so do not even try to comment about it. But he can use words quite harsh, especially against others. That is exactly what he did today against one of my best friends, who is like a sister to me. If you read this, I apologize, and I love you.
So that is what life is for him right now. A constant battle of worrying about me. After writing this I have finally understood why he acts like he does. It is not acceptable, but it is something ee have to work on.
angelikauludas 